My first Mother’s Day without Kyle is in just a few days. I’m sad, of course, as I am with every holiday this year. I’m celebrating a day of being a mother without the man that made me one. It’s bittersweet.
Kyle was a terrible gift giver. He was practical, and only liked to buy things we actually needed and were going to buy anyway. Sometimes I would say to him jokingly “do you even know me?” when he would get me some random, yet practical gift. It was a running joke in our house (and among friends) for 6 years, that he gave the worst first Mother’s Day gift ever. Myla was born 2 weeks before Mother’s Day. And while other moms were getting jewelry to commemorate their first born, I got stepping stones. Yes, you read that right- stepping stones for the backyard. And not actually the real stones, but the promise of the stones. We still had to go get the dang things and lay them! Oh I never let him live that one down. Last year, he gave me floor mats for my new vehicle. Yeah, I needed them, but still extremely practical.
Now I would give anything for one of his terrible gifts. I would tell him how much I loved and needed it! I wish I could go back and tell him those things instead of giving him a hard time. I know he didn’t have a lot of extra spending money, and never had time to shop anywhere and be a football coach.
Now I don’t have anyone to celebrate all of the joys and struggles of parenthood and motherhood with. My children are too little to even understand what the day is about, much less get me a card. Just another thing to add to the list of the void Kyle left behind.
I’ve missed him extra hard this week. I miss him so very much.