Wallace, party of one

I’m out with friends, headed to a wedding.

My friends, but Kyle’s friends too.  They were our friends. The groom is Kyle’s friend. I’m riding in the back of his best friend’s, Josey,  pickup truck listening to music and drinking a few beers.

It’s fun, but it’s also sad.

I got teary-eyed when a certain song played on the radio.

I remembered that I dreamed about Kyle last night. And we actually talked in the dream. And we laughed.

I miss him so much. His friends miss him. Nothing is the same without him.

The music blares from the speakers. The songs are the same, yet they don’t feel the same.

I’m not supposed to be here without Kyle.


The wedding was fun, but sad at the same time. One of my friends asked me how I was doing, and I almost lost it. It was hard to contain my tears. And it really didn’t matter how much I tried to numb the pain, I never shook the feeling. I would rather be with Kyle than anywhere else in the world.

Now on my way home with the same people..

in a past life, I would be cranking up the music, singing at the top of my lungs. I wouldn’t care what time it was. I was young and wild and free. I didn’t care how much we had to pay the babysitter or how bad my head would hurt the next day.

Now the thought of the life Iived 7 months ago seems like a dream. I can’t even come close to feeling that carefree now.  Kyle gave me stability and freedom. He made me feel like I was 22, and still young and reckless. He made me feel complete, and  let me be the best version of myself.


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