Sometimes life just doesn’t seem fair. It’s not fair that my children have to live without their wonderful father. It’s not fair that I have to watch their little faces as they cry for him. Today, Hamp yelled for his daddy when he saw a white truck driving by. He shouted “daddy’s truck! Daddy’s here!” When I told him that wasn’t daddy, he said in a sweet little voice “daddy’s with Jesus?”, as if to answer his own question. Then later this evening, I found Myla in the den curled up with a framed picture of Kyle, crying her little eyes out. This time I couldn’t help but to get a little emotional as well as she told me she wished he didn’t die and wished he could come back and wait to die when she was old. I told her how much I missed him as well and that I wish I could make everything better and perfect again. She wrote me a sweet little note on her art easel that reads “dear mom, sorry your huzbin dide'”
It’s so easy to get angry at our struggle and resentful of our pain. It would be so easy to scream, curse, cry, or turn my back on God. It’s not fair that my son will never have clear memories of his father, and will never have the chance to know him. It’s not fair that my daughter sleeps with photo albums every night, instead of getting to kiss her dad goodnight after bedtime prayers. It’s not fair that men I view as “lesser” husbands and fathers get to continue to play those roles and take them completely for granted. Tonight I was thinking about how unfair it all was and ” asking the “why us?” question. But then I quickly answered myself with “why NOT us?”
The reality is that everyone experiences unfairness in life. The key principle to remember is that how we react to unfair treatment is more important than what has happened to us. The truth is that everyone is going to die. In our lifetime, we will experience major losses. It’s just a matter of when, where, and in what order. We have to be prepared for the loss, as well as how we will react to it.
Responding to unjust situations or actions in anger, bitterness and revenge is not the answer (Ephesians 4:31-32). Rather, trusting God in faith and obedience brings true peace of mind and, in due course, entrance into eternal life (Philippians 4:6-7; Matthew 19:17).
I know God is not singling me out or punishing me. He is not angry with me and took away my husband as my punishment. He is, however, showing himself to me. He is showing me his grace and mercy at every turn. I am so thankful for His precious grace during our extreme trials.