My new role as single parent is literally the hardest thing I’ve EVER done. Let’s be real… I know I’m not the first single parent in the world. There are millions of moms and dads who do it every day. But, since I’m new at it, I’d like to put it out there that THIS SUCKS. Especially when it is a roll that you are forced into. Now, in my opinion, divorced parenting is not the same. There are at least some times, if not every other weekend, when you finally get a break. A break from the weight of parenting. Weather that may be actual time off and freedom for just a few days, or financial support, at least there is some help. I have no help. Yes, my mom helps me pick the kids up from school everyday and helps with homework. But it is me, and only me, wearing the battle gear and am on the front lines of this parenting war. It’s so unbelievably hard.
Myla’s teacher text me today about an ongoing situation at school. She is very smart, flies through her work, and then becomes distracted and also a distraction because she is restless. I’ve yelled, threatened spankings, actually spanked her, and grounded her, but I can’t seem to get through to her. I feel like I am CONSTANTLY on her about behavior. Sometimes I talk so down to her, I’m ashamed at myself. I find myself constantly yelling and arguing to the point of defeat or tears. I love her spunky personality, and I’m so afraid of breaking it. I talked to my grief counselor, Mike, about the dynamics between Me and Myla. He pointed out the obvious- my stress level + grief + exhaustion play into the emotional side of parenting. I’ve got to find a balance and some single parenting + discipline reading material.
It’s hard when you don’t have anyone at home to back you up. Tonight before I came home, I sat in my car and cried. I asked God aloud to help me to parent in an Godly way. The way that Kyle and I had intended to parent together. I asked Him again to give me patience and to help me to keep my cool. I asked Him to guide Myla in her daily decisions and choices in the classroom. After that, I came home and was actually able to have a clam conversation about her behavior. Thank you, God! When you call out to Him, he will answer you!
I have to set more clear boundaries and consequences for Myla. But I also need to set some for myself. My new “rule” is to not be on my phone at all from the time I come home until I get the kids into bed. That way all of my attention is on them. Tonight was a little chaotic, but I did it. I think this is going to be a great habit to enforce.
Prayed for me and Myla and my parenting are much appreciated!