I finally dreamt of Kyle again last night. It’s weird, but I have had very few dreams of him. I want to dream of him so badly! They are so vivid and perfect. I can see his face so clearly. Maybe I haven’t had dreams because I go to bed exhausted and sleep so hard. Maybe I just don’t remember them. Maybe God protects my fragile heart by only allowing me to see him in small fragments.
In the first week or so after his death, I dreamed of him every night. But there was tension in the dream. We were either separated/divorced/broken up or something of the like, and I was constantly trying to get his attention. Sometimes he would get irritated with me and tell me “it was for the best”, and other times he would ignore me and go about whatever it was that he was doing. It’s almost as if the dreams symbolized our earthly separation. He is fine and dandy, while I am acting like the crazy ex-girlfriend trying to get him back. So strange. I haven’t had a dream of him in weeks though. Sometimes I stare at his picture on my nightstand, hoping that if he is the last thing on my mind, I will see him again in my dreams.
Last night I finally saw him again. This time we were together, but I knew he was sick and that he had a heart condition. The doctor gave him a certain date that he would live to, and as that date approached, I woke up.
Dreams are strange. I am putting a journal and pen beside my bed from now on so that I can write them down in the morning while they are still fresh. I hope to see him again in my dreams tonight.
Myla has told me of several times when she has dreamed of daddy. He is always either singing or dancing in her dreams. Oh, I hope she has these happy dreams forever and that she will remember her daddy so vividly!