December 1st

December 1.  Today I felt like I had the wind knocked out of me…again.  I don’t know what it was about today, but everywhere I turned I had little reminders of Kyle all day long.  The first reminder of the day was my TimeHop  picture.  This time last year, we were working on his resume.  He had been fired from his football coaching job on November 19th (another story for another time), and we had just started the process of pulling ourselves together and getting ready to start the job hunt.  This photo was attached to his resume.  I think my man sure is handsome!

img_3842Then at work today, a new client was asking the general questions about my life as she tried to get to know me. I could feel the lump in my throat starting to form, as I could feel her nearing the questions about my family and husband.  The color literally drained from her face as she finally made the connection and realized “who I was”.  I am THAT Coach’s wife.  The coach who died at school.  The coach who died so young.  The coach who was so highly publicized and loved in the news media.  Yes, I’m his wife. And I’m now cutting your hair with tears in my eyes.

“oh I’m so sorry! I had no idea! I remember seeing that on the news!”  That response has actually almost become a common response.  After I made it through that client without crying, I get a phone call from the Delta State University Alumni Magazine wanting to run a story on Kyle and his life.  They needed media, so I sent them several articles and write-ups that had been in the newspapers.  As I read over them again, I felt that knot in my stomach.  I still cant believe he is gone! He was truly an amazing person, and such a blessing from God.

Now I have the overwhelming decision of what to do with our Christmas stockings.  I’ve had the house decorated for a week now, but I haven’t been able to hang our stockings.  I don’t know what to do with them! Do I hang all 4, just 3 or scrap them all together?  It is truly almost suffocating to think about the Christmas Stockings.  I made each one by hand, with our names on them.  I can barely look at them right now.


But I want to end this hard day on a positive thought.  Kyle gets to celebrate Christ and Christmas in the presence of the Lord our Savior!  While we are here on Earth celebrating the 2 thousand year old birth of our earthly Christ,  Kyle is worshiping Him in His holy kingdom! I cant imagine a better birthday party than that one.  Kyle’s Christmas beats our Christmas hands down.  One day I will get to experience this amazing celebration with my husband and eventually our children on the other side of eternity.

Every evening when Myla says our blessing and her bedtime prayers, she always says some version of “thank you God for my daddy, and tell him we love him”.  Kyle, I don’t know what God has you angels doing up there, but if you are looking down on us, we miss you and we love you.  Always and forever.


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